Busy Bee

Tuesday, there will be auditions for a play called "Leaving Iowa". I was thinking about going to it. Even though the posting said that past theater experience is not required, I'm still nervous about it. I was in a musical back in high school and I remember the auditions and how mortified I was. I was inexperienced then and still am. But being a part of that musical was unbelievably fun. I miss being part of a production.

Yet...I have lots of stuff that I need to get done. I'm debating whether or not to get a second job to help with the cost of my school and bills. When I move down to Chicago, I don't know how long it will take me to find a job. I filed for financial aid already but it's mostly loans...

Plus, who would hire me here to work for them for only 4 months? >.<
That Christmas season is coming up pretty soon so I might have a chance at that.

I don't know what to do yet. I'll figure it out soon...

The beginning...when everything was new and exciting.

I miss it. Maybe because I wasn't emotionally attached before. Or maybe I was attached and I was in denial the entire time. Now I'm stuck in this rut, since I know for sure now that I did have a chance and it's too late now. That's what I get for being indecisive/in denial. It hurts....only time can heal, it's going to be long and painful.
I don't even understand why I'm attracted to him in the first place. I'm not a shallow person but his physical appearance is very.....he has two obvious abnormalities. I overlook them....I tend to overlook flaws when I like a guy's personality. What's bugging me is the fact that he smokes cigarettes and gets high by smoking pot. I tend to stay away from drug users and smokers but I don't know where my attraction for him is coming from. He is not right for me as I am not right for him. It's probably the whole "opposites attract" deal. I truly hope that this situation don't turn into a big, horrible mess.