The beginning...when everything was new and exciting.

I miss it. Maybe because I wasn't emotionally attached before. Or maybe I was attached and I was in denial the entire time. Now I'm stuck in this rut, since I know for sure now that I did have a chance and it's too late now. That's what I get for being indecisive/in denial. It hurts....only time can heal, it's going to be long and painful.
I don't even understand why I'm attracted to him in the first place. I'm not a shallow person but his physical appearance is very.....he has two obvious abnormalities. I overlook them....I tend to overlook flaws when I like a guy's personality. What's bugging me is the fact that he smokes cigarettes and gets high by smoking pot. I tend to stay away from drug users and smokers but I don't know where my attraction for him is coming from. He is not right for me as I am not right for him. It's probably the whole "opposites attract" deal. I truly hope that this situation don't turn into a big, horrible mess.

I got accepted!

I finally received a letter from my college and I am in!

So excited, I just can't wait to go.
I'm just a little terrified about the cost of attending the school. My gosh, I'm know that I have to take a bunch of loans =[ I think that in the end, it'll all be worth it. This is where I want to go and what I want to do with my life.

Play with fire, you're bound to get burned

Yet for some reason I never learn.

Crazy

Alex: You're beautiful

Me: Heh, your crazy.

Alex: Yeah, I am. But seriously, you are beautiful.

Me: I don't see it.

Alex: Of course you don't. You're too obsessed with your flaws to see it.

What am I getting myself into?

I feel guilty, wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing this and I know better than to behave this way. So why am I doing this? Every time I'm attracted to some guy, I just throw my morals out the window. But are they my morals or society's?

Damn this friends with benefits relationship. It's fun but why do I feel so damn guilty about it? I don't want anything more, I'd prefer to stay single actually. I just hope that neither one of us gets hurt during this relationship, phase, or whatever.