Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Totally unexpected

In a good way! Just got a email from a friend that I haven't heard from for a while.
I tried contacting her in the past but got little response. I understand that she is busy with her work and school, but at least give a little effort. I mean, we've been friends since 2nd grade. But I can't complain that much, I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people. I usually email her about 2 times a year, once on her b-day (which is next week) and christmas. We would email back and forth for a little and then she just stops and leaves me hangin. I recently decided that I would just stop emailing her. I just thought that we have different lives now and just grew apart. Then out of nowhere, I got a email from her (she's never the first to email). Turns out that she's moved back into the city and wants to meet so we can catch up!

It's been four years since we last hung out. I'm going to see her tomorrow. Wonder what she's like now.....

Monday, September 28, 2009

Sucking the life out of it

That's what I tend to do when I'm obsessed with a song. Yeah, I'm one of those terrible, annoying people that repeat the same song over and over again. But I only do it when I'm alone. Because I know how annoying it gets when someone else does it with a song that I'm not fond of. I hate it when I do it though, because soon that same song won't have that affect on me that it once had. I'll have to find a new song to get "high" off of.

Also, I see my self becoming one of those new generation folks that just listen to one song from a band and that's it. Don't even give the album a chance. The iPod that what they're called? I don't know. I really don't want to become that but I haven't really liked any new bands/singers that are coming out. Just the one song that made them famous, one hit wonders. Or at least they are one hit wonders to me, since I usually don't like anything else they have to offer. It's rare for me to say that I have favorite artists because I might like one album and not be fond of the next one that they come out with. Music is becoming like the food that most of us eat, they process the hell out of it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear Me, 2005

I know you feel like you're lost and confused with no direction at all. Because I remember that moment in time. And how depressing it was feeling like all your friends will grow apart and move will happen but that's ok. It happens to pretty much everyone. And you'll meet new, interesting people along the way.

Writing this letter is going to be tricky because I can tell you the events that I've experienced so far, the friendships I've made, and people to avoid....but in a way that will be all pointless because of what I want to tell you. The main reason why I was so depressed at graduation was like I said before (and of course you know it because you're feeling like that at the moment) is because you don't know what to do with your life. In reality, you do know, you want to be involved in the arts. At that time, you were interested in photography but right now, I'm actually planning on going to school for film/video, which I find pretty awesome. Honestly, that's the path that will be taken sooner or later because even back then, I daydreamed about creating random scenes for movies, music videos, or whatever really.
I remember almost everyone didn't agree with what I wanted to do with MY life and I sort of gave up and stopped caring. Ok, here's the tricky part.....DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. This is your life, not theirs. You'll soon figure out it doesn't matter what other people think of you. It's hard for me to say that because I can't tell you what will happen since I did not choose that path. Instead, I chose to be miserable and picked a major that I never cared about at a technical college. I worked hard for 4 years for that damn degree and I'm not even proud of it. I didn't even go to my graduation, which was recent for me (about 3 months ago). Now, I'm finally going to do what I've should have done 4 years ago (your time).

I guess, technically, it's still up to you on what you want to do at that moment. Alright, I don't know what you're going to decide but I want to tell you the people to avoid. The number one person I want you to avoid is Brandon, which will be somewhat difficult if you chose that miserable path that I took. He was in several of my classes at the technical college. Him and everyone one in his life, especially his mom, are fake, close-minded people that will act nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back. The worst kind you could ever interact with. He will be my 3rd boyfriend (if you read this, hopefully he won't be)and sadly we dated for a year and I gave my virginity to him after a month of dating. So much for waiting til marriage, huh?.....and I don't even want to get married anymore. Haha, that must be a shock to you...haha, what am I saying, this entire letter is one massive shock. I still can't believe I lost my V-card to a 26 year old loser that lives in his mom's basement. And it wasn't even good....lasted 3-5 minutes and I couldn't feel a damn thing except for when my hymen broke. TMI? Well, it happened and I figured you'd be curious. So please wait for someone special and let me tell you, I still haven't found that guy. Sad, I know but it shouldn't be your priority right now anyway.
Let me just list the people to avoid and the reasons:
Matt - was married and didn't tell me (never dated, just avoid him)
Christian - had a girlfriend and didn't tell me (same as above)
Evan - Brandon's friend (really dumb of me)
Alex - had a FWB relationship with him, and I became attached. Not doing that again.
Terry - sad, I know...friends from HS yet for some unknown reason, she became negative towards me.

Ok, cool people if you ever get a chance to meet them:
Why are they awesome? I'll let you find out =]

The thing that's bothering me is that if you don't interact with the people I told you to avoid, how will you/I get stronger emotionally? Writing this letter to you is kinda eerie in a way. I know it's only been four years but I've grown since then. And I'm still growing....sometimes making the same mistakes over and over again but it's all part of the process as painful as it may be. Depending on what you decide, I won't know how I'll turn out to be. But the more I think about it, I honestly think that I'll turn out fine. Like I said, it's only been four years so there is still plenty of life for me to go through now. The whole point of this letter is just me trying to tell to you be happy. I remember how sad I was....everything will be ok. =] Only if I could give you a big hug right now, lol <3

Yes, there will be moments when I get angry, sad, depressed, lonely, jealous, nervous, ashamed. But that's just part of life. Same thing with feeling happy, ecstatic, pleasure, awesome, beautiful, daring, serene. There will be good moments and bad moments. Just don't let the bad moments bother you too much.

Alright, I've told you some info about what I've experienced so far and gave you my opinion on what should be done instead. Now it's up to you to decide what to do from here.

Oh, and if you choose to go to school in Chicago after high school graduation, just a heads up, around the time you'll graduate from CCC (probably around '09), the economy in this country will be shit. What does that have to do with you? It's going to be a bitch to find a job after graduation. Don't let that bring you down though! I'm sure there are plenty of jobs you/I can do with that degree. I have yet to find out! I'll probably be graduating in '12....unless the world ends :O (google it) lol.

Live life to the fullest,


Back to reality.....
Writing this was really difficult for me. Just imagine sending this letter, and all the events that I've experienced could possibly change. That's a pretty insane thought there. Kinda reminds me of the movie The Butterfly Effect.

This blog entry is part of a group blog. Go and check out other letters!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I can't believe I had the balls to audition!!

I'm so proud of myself, even if I don't get a part in that play. At first, I was scared about having to do cold readings from the script especially since I never heard of the play before. But the tiny theater was a pretty relaxed environment and the other folks who were at the audition were really nice people. I was shy, didn't really interact with the others (except when I had to go on stage) but nonetheless, I still had fun being there, watching others and reciting lines myself. This was my first time auditioning for this theater, well, any theater besides high school. I've always seen postings from this theater in the past for other play auditions and I kinda regret not going to those. I never went because of fear.

But hey, I went this time and came out extremely happy =]

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Busy Bee

Tuesday, there will be auditions for a play called "Leaving Iowa". I was thinking about going to it. Even though the posting said that past theater experience is not required, I'm still nervous about it. I was in a musical back in high school and I remember the auditions and how mortified I was. I was inexperienced then and still am. But being a part of that musical was unbelievably fun. I miss being part of a production.

Yet...I have lots of stuff that I need to get done. I'm debating whether or not to get a second job to help with the cost of my school and bills. When I move down to Chicago, I don't know how long it will take me to find a job. I filed for financial aid already but it's mostly loans...

Plus, who would hire me here to work for them for only 4 months? >.<
That Christmas season is coming up pretty soon so I might have a chance at that.

I don't know what to do yet. I'll figure it out soon...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Can't Wait

Yesterday, I went to Chicago to visit the school I plan on attending this spring. I seriously can't wait to go. Like my brother said, "It's a whole different world down there." It was scary and exciting all in one. Just awesome. Turns out that I was too early to do anything yet like scheduling, etc. The counselor gave me kudos on getting things done early as possible though. I have to wait till November to go to open house and orientation. Or January. I forgot which. The bad thing is that everything is early in the morning. My family wants to go with me to orientation and open house to check the school out. I don't mind that at all, I was actually surprised that they wanted to go. The thing is though, they are never on time for anything (except work). Ever. They were late to my brother's wedding a couple of years ago and my brother told them the wrong time on purpose (an earlier time) just so they can make it. That didn't even work. Well, I'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A cop made my day <3

Who'd of thought that it would ever happen?? Sunday, I was waiting for my brother at a train station parking lot, listening to music with the car door wide open (there were a lot of bees flying around and if one happens to fly in, I can easily escape). I didn't notice the cop driving by and he parked right next to me and asked if everything was alright. He thought that I was stranded but everything was working fine and I told him I was waiting for my brother. I was feeling really bummed out that day and I guess he saw that in my face. He asked me what was wrong. I told him what was on my mind....after listening to what I had to say, he gave me some words of wisdom. Just lifted my's amazing what good things that strangers can do. And one that's a cop! Usually, they tend to ruin people's days, lol. I'm grateful for that conversation that we had.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Too soon?

So yeah, I faced my fears and told my crush about how I felt about him. He told me that he felt the same way but that we should just remain friends. That he's stressed out about some things in his life at the moment and don't want to start anything yet.

I don't believe what he told me. That's just a nicer way of saying no or not interested, I'm sure. But that's ok. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm proud of myself actually since this is a pretty big step for me. Usually, I wait for guys to come up to me. And if they don't, then in the end I missed out (kinda) for not taking that tiny risk.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Alright, my first ^_^

This is my first blog award and I am excited ^_^
Thank you so much Karilynnlove for giving me this award! I'm speechless, lol.

I believe it stands for Humor + Insane = Humane, lol :P

The Rules:
*Accept and post the award to your blog
*Link to the person from whom you received it
*Pass the award to 5 other blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgement
*Let them know they have been chosen for this award

People I nominated:
Ana Cristina

Ok, it's only 3 blogs, I know. Maybe I just felt like rebelling a little.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

This was not supposed to happen

Nothing can be done to prevent it from happening since my heart is not made of stone. Though at times, I wish it was. I try to build walls, and I do but it seems pretty pointless since they are easily broken. Haha, I'm the one that breaks them down for that one person to come through. So I can be vulnerable and endure the pain that comes my way.

"You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"
-Regina Spektor

(Because secretly, we're all masochists.)

What a way to blow that cute phrase, huh? Haha, I'm joking. But it is truly hard to act like your heart was never broken. It's kinda like that whole "learning not to touch the stove" situation for me. I got hurt. Several times with different guys. Ok, what to do to prevent it from happening again? The answer is nothing. There is nothing that anyone can do except to build walls and even those fall. tell or not to tell. I'm afraid to tell my crush how I feel. It's kinda insane to think that it's scary to tell someone:

Simple little words with so much meaning.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Women Proposing

Since it's not really traditional for women to propose marriage to men, you rarely hear stories about it happening. Some people think it's taboo for women to do it. I say why not?

If you want a memorable engagement take matters into your own hands—if you wait for him to do it you have no room to complain if it’s not what you wanted.

BUT don't make it all about you. I'm sure guys personalize it for the women, so the women should do the same. Well, just don't do that tacky, down on one knee proposal. It's ok for the guys to do it but since women don't go out and propose that often, it should be different, in my opinion.

Personally, I don't plan on getting married. I don't think that life is for me. But if my plans change, I would totally serenade a song to my guy, whoever that may(not)be. That's greedy of me though, since I love music and to sing horribly, lol. It's not like I can personalize it anyway. I'm single and plan to stay that way for a while.

The song I would sing is Andar Conmigo by Julieta Venegas. Yep, definitely greedy of me, haha. I love her, she is a genius.

How many singers out there can rock out an accordion?

Supposedly, there's been a rise in women proposing marriage. I'd love to hear stories about brave women who broke the mold and proposed to the love of their lives. *sigh* Anyone out there?? lol

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Lets disappear till tomorrow

I love being spontaneous and the perfect day for me is to be able to run away for a day.

Sun's up, we wait...all day.

A road trip is a definite must. But to where? Honestly, it would be absolutely fun just to drive with no direction what so ever.

If only we could move away, from here.

Who would go with me? All of my friends, the more the merrier.

(That actually looks very uncomfortable.)

Eventually we'd find a spot, preferably a field of grass in the middle of nowhere with a small lake to swim in.

Hmm....what to eat? I'd bring a small grill with to have a cook out. Hamburgers, brats, kabobs...anything goes.

And drinking beer of course.

When the day is over, we head back to our lives again.

Sun down now we have built our place

Click to listen

So yeah, that would be an excellent way to spend a day, running away from life. I'm sure that I'll make this day happen one day =]

I follow a blogger named Stephanie and she does a group blog every Thursday. This week is about perfect days.
Click here to read about other people's perfect days and follow her!