I forgot her birthday

It was yesterday...I can still wish her a belated birthday but should I? I mean, we don't really talk to each other anymore. It's mostly my fault since I'm horrible at keeping in touch. I've lost many friends that way and continue to do so. Why do I have to be so stubborn over insignificant crap like this? I don't know, I'm just dumb.
Hehe...I decided I'm going to text her.

Been doing lots of writing

Just not on here :P
Yeah, it's weird because I've never really write a lot. Before, I'd force my self to sit and write something onto a page and it was usually bland and boring. I just didn't want people to get into my head so I don't write any details what so ever. Now, I just let loose and write every single thought that comes into my head, even if it's not important, like having the sudden urge to use the bathroom. Even though they seem like meaningless scribbles on a page, I read through it and get inspired to write a song. Yep, I'm a songwriter....not a good one and only write the lyrics but hey, I enjoy doing it. The only problem though is that I tend to get writer's block after just a few lines. Then I start a new song and it happens again. I've managed to complete a song, but I still think it has to go through a lot of editing still. Haha! My problem is that I expect the songs to just flow out of my head and onto the paper without editing. I'll try to just let go and do the editing after it's finished instead of during the writing process.
This is all new to me :)

The beginning...when everything was new and exciting.

I miss it. Maybe because I wasn't emotionally attached before. Or maybe I was attached and I was in denial the entire time. Now I'm stuck in this rut, since I know for sure now that I did have a chance and it's too late now. That's what I get for being indecisive/in denial. It hurts....only time can heal, it's going to be long and painful.
I don't even understand why I'm attracted to him in the first place. I'm not a shallow person but his physical appearance is very.....he has two obvious abnormalities. I overlook them....I tend to overlook flaws when I like a guy's personality. What's bugging me is the fact that he smokes cigarettes and gets high by smoking pot. I tend to stay away from drug users and smokers but I don't know where my attraction for him is coming from. He is not right for me as I am not right for him. It's probably the whole "opposites attract" deal. I truly hope that this situation don't turn into a big, horrible mess.

I got accepted!

I finally received a letter from my college and I am in!

So excited, I just can't wait to go.
I'm just a little terrified about the cost of attending the school. My gosh, I'm know that I have to take a bunch of loans =[ I think that in the end, it'll all be worth it. This is where I want to go and what I want to do with my life.

Play with fire, you're bound to get burned

Yet for some reason I never learn.

Crazy

Alex: You're beautiful

Me: Heh, your crazy.

Alex: Yeah, I am. But seriously, you are beautiful.

Me: I don't see it.

Alex: Of course you don't. You're too obsessed with your flaws to see it.

What am I getting myself into?

I feel guilty, wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing this and I know better than to behave this way. So why am I doing this? Every time I'm attracted to some guy, I just throw my morals out the window. But are they my morals or society's?

Damn this friends with benefits relationship. It's fun but why do I feel so damn guilty about it? I don't want anything more, I'd prefer to stay single actually. I just hope that neither one of us gets hurt during this relationship, phase, or whatever.