The Dirty Note(s)

About a week ago, I gave an envelope to Alex at work and told him that it was a really dirty note and to not let anyone read it. I was joking, what was really inside the envelope was four dollars that I owed him. Later on that day, he came up to me and jokingly told me that he was disappointed that it didn't turn out to be a dirty note. As he was walking away, I explained loudly (idiot) that it technically was a note...and that it was dirty. Turned my head and noticed that another co-worker was looking at me but I didn't think anything of it because in my head, this was all innocent. It is innocent! I was joking. But she had no idea what I was talking about. She actually thought I wrote a dirty note.

See? It is a note. And I highly doubt there's a clean dollar bill out there. Well, except for those newly printed ones.

Eventually word got out to another co-worker of mine.
Months ago, he told me that he liked me and was wondering if I wanted to be his girl. I told him that I only wanted to be friends. At first I thought he was genuine. But as time passed on, I realized that he's only lusting over me. I'm upset over this dying friendship but I digress.

Couple of days later, Melvin came up to me and loudly stated, "I heard something about you! When I heard, I started to laugh and thought no way."

Me: Pshh, yeah right. (I'm invisible at work, no one notices me so I seriously thought he was lying.)

Melvin: No for real.

Me: Ok, tell me what you heard.

Melvin: Is it true? (His eyes shifted to the side.)

Me: Is what true? What are you talking about?

Melvin: (whispering) Follow my eyes. (eyes shifted to the side again.)

So I slowly turned my head and saw Alex. Realizing what he was talking about, I started to laugh and shook my head no.

Me: I think I know who told you.

Melvin: Who?

Me: You tell me.

Melvin: Call me later.


Heh, over this crap? No thanks, not worth the phone call. Besides, it's obvious to me who talked. I was just wondering if anyone else knew about it.

Later on that day, Melvin sent me a text. He asked if Alex and I are an item. I replied that we are really good friends. After all of this, seems like Melvin acts differently towards me now. Jealous maybe? I don't know.

Gosh, can I pass "dirty notes" in peace? >.>

Reacquainted

Had a meeting at work the other day. We were all forced to go so that meant I was going to see Alex. The whole time I was able to avoid him at work but not this time. I was kinda nervous to go because I didn't know what to say when I saw him...couldn't even decide if I should say anything at all. The moment I walked through the doors, he was the first person I saw. Didn't recognize him at first, had to do a double take. He grew out his hair....normally, he just shaves his head. I smiled, walked over to him, opened my arms and gave him a hug. Surprised myself, didn't expect that to be my reaction. Also hate admitting that I missed him. I haven't seen him since the last days of summer....I had to walk away, what we had was torture.

After the meeting, we talked for a little bit, catching up. And made plans to hang out later on today. Not really nervous but....I don't know, I'll see how it goes.

The Sex Talk

Umm....yeah.

Do you remember having that sex talk with your parents? I never had one. My parents figured that whatever I learned in school was good enough. I'm cool with that though. Don't really want my parents talking to me about that.

But...

Seriously, I never thought that I would ever.....EVER, give the sex talk to a child.

This pic gave me a giggle.
Especially since I don't have any children of my own. Well, since my parents never gave me the talk, my little sister didn't have anyone else to turn to.

So yeah....this is how it went:

My little sister walks into our room and says, "Today was yucky."
Normally she loves school so this surprised me. "What happened?"

Lil Sis: We had family life today.

Me: Family life? What's that?

Lil Sis: We learned about our privates and periods and where babies grow.

Me: Oh, I see. Why is that yucky?

Lil Sis: Because they showed us pictures. And it's just weird.

Me: Well, that stuff's important to know.

Lil Sis: I know.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: (Oh no...) Then don't.

Lil Sis: What if I get one that comes out of nowhere?

Me: (Oh man...) It doesn't work that way.

Lil Sis: How does someone get a baby?

Me: (FML!) Umm...well, you have to have sex to make a baby and only women can get pregnant.

Lil Sis: So...when I get my period does that mean I'm pregnant?

Me: No, sex and period are not the same. I thought they taught you what period was?

Lil Sis: I know already, that's when blood comes out of the vagina.

Me: Ok, that's not sex.

Lil Sis: Then what is it?

Me: (Why me??) Well...(Crap, how do I explain this?) Umm...(Just tell her like it is.) This usually happens when two people care about each other a lot. Most of the time when they are married. It starts with kissing.....

Lil Sis: Eww! People can make babies just by kissing?!

Me: *laughs* No, let me finish. Ok....well, when people have sex, they have to be naked.

Lil Sis: What?! Why?

Me: That's the way you can make a baby.

Lil Sis: What if they just leave underwear on?

Me: Nope, everything has to come off....well, I guess they can leave their shirts on but the underwear has to come off.

Lil Sis: That's gross...

Me: I'm not done. How do I explain this next part? Ok, look.
I took my left hand and formed a fist with a small opening. This is a vagina.
I took my right hand and pointed with my index finger. And this is a penis.

Lil Sis: A penis?

Me: Yes, guys have penises. Why do you think they stand up when they pee?

Lil Sis: They stand up when they pee?

Me: Yeah, did you think that boys have vagina's?

Lil Sis: .....yeah

Me: I start to crack up. No, no....you didn't learn about boys in family life?

Lil Sis: We're going to learn about them tomorrow.

Me: Ok, well boys have penises. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. I took my index finger and shoved it into the opening. This is sex. I moved my right hand in the thrusting motion.

Lil Sis: Eww....so that means mom and dad did that 6 times? (total of six siblings in our family, in case you were wondering where she came up with that number.)

Me: Umm....(I'm sure they did more than that...oh god, get this thought out of my head!) yeah...

Lil Sis: Eww....and did [my older bro] and [his wife] do that and that's why they have Junior?

Me: Yep.

Lil Sis: Eww...and [older sis] and [her husband] do that and they got [niece 1] and [neice 2] and [neice 3]?

Me: Well, [niece 1] has a different dad but yeah, that's how they got [niece 2] and [niece 3]

Lil Sis: EWWWWWW!


She gave me this look and put her arms in the air.

Haha, finding out people that you know and care about, that committed this act will make you react that way.

Me: So yeah, when people have sex the guy ejaculates semen from the penis into the vagina so it can find the egg and get inside it. That is how a baby is made.

Lil Sis: Semen? What does ejaculates mean?

Me: You'll learn about that tomorrow.

Lil Sis: Does that feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

Me: (Huh, comfort...I couldn't have used a better word myself. Thank god she didn't ask me "How does it feel?" My answer would've been "Umm...good?") Well, the first time feels uncomfortable for everyone. But if you have sex with someone you love and care about, it'll soon be comfortable.

Lil Sis: What if people have sex and they're not married? Do they get in trouble?

Me: (Damnit...I didn't want to get to this part. Hopefully when she hits the teen years, she'll be smart about it and waits.) *sighs* No...you only get in trouble if you're under 18.

Lil Sis: What if people have a baby and they're not married?

Me: Then they are idiots and it happens a lot. They're idiots because they didn't use protection.

Lil Sis: Protection?

Me: Yeah, some people use protection when they have sex so they don't get kids. There's one for women and one for men. The women have birth control pills and the men have condoms.

Lil Sis: What do they do?

Me: (Crap, am I telling her too much too soon? She's only in 4th grade.) I think your teacher will explain it better than me about that. How long are you guys going to learn about family life?

Lil Sis: I don't know, maybe a week.

Me: Ok well, if you have more questions after each day, let me know.

Lil Sis: I still have lots of questions now.

Me: (Of course you do.) We'll continue this discussion later.

Lil Sis: Ok, fine.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: Then don't have sex. It's that simple.



That was a hell of an awkward conversation but a funny one. I know I will remember this moment. I wonder if she'll remember this "talk".
Better she learned some stuff about sex from me and school instead of finding out from the internet.



Haha, on my quest for pics, I found this post. *Warning* Contains explict, funny cartoon explaining where babies come from. Click here if interested.

Too soon?

So yeah, I faced my fears and told my crush about how I felt about him. He told me that he felt the same way but that we should just remain friends. That he's stressed out about some things in his life at the moment and don't want to start anything yet.

I don't believe what he told me. That's just a nicer way of saying no or not interested, I'm sure. But that's ok. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm proud of myself actually since this is a pretty big step for me. Usually, I wait for guys to come up to me. And if they don't, then in the end I missed out (kinda) for not taking that tiny risk.

Guys are hard to trust.

Friday May 9, 2008

Him: What's up good looking? :)

Me: Chillin. You?

Him: Oh nothing just thinking about you.

Me: Oh really?

Him: Yes really. Is that a bad thing?

Me: Not at all. Are you serious about what you told me earlier?

Him: Yes. Why wouldn't I be?

Me: I can never tell when you're serious or not.

Him: I'll find out and let you know. But in the mean time...

Me: Ok, let me know as soon as you find out.

Him: Oh that's it? You're done talking to me now?

Me: No. Don't be sad.

Him: Sad and lonely.

Me: Why is someone like you sad and lonely?

Him: Sick of dealing with crazy girls.

Me: You're probably looking in the wrong places.

Him: Guess so huh? I'm never in the right place then.

Me: I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Him: Why not worry?

Me: Because you have so much to offer. If a girl can't see that, then she is not worth your time.

Him: You think so? These days I don't know.
Has things gotten better for you?

Me: Not really. I'm friends with the guy I like but I'm not satisfied.

Him: Why not?

Me: Because I want to be more than that.

Him: Does he know you like him?

Me: I don't even know why I like him. He said something to me that made me upset.

Him: Was the comment directed towards you?

Me: Yes, the comment was for me. And no he doesn't know that I like him.

Him: Why not? Do you think that it will ruin your friendship?

Me: I don't want to risk it.

Him: So what do you do?

Me: I don't know.

Him: I have an idea?

Me: What's that?

Him: Lets just run away together.

Me: Sound like a good idea.

Him: For real.

Me: Where would we go?

Him: Out of Racine!

Me: Yeah, anywhere is better than Racine.

Him: You know what I see in you? What type of person you are?

Me: What do you see?

Him: Just so you know, I see you blushing right now :)

Me: Yeah, I am actually.

Him: You're the type of person who gives her all. Who loves to be held and comforted. Who would do whatever it took to keep her man happy. Am I right?

Me: Yeah, you're right. How did you figure that? But I don't think that its a good thing. Guys think that I'm smothering them.

Him: I studied you. I'm your stalker. Did you forget? I don't think its smothering. It's affection, some guys like that.

....What are you doing?

Me: Listening to music. You?

Him: Still thinking about you...


I still don't get it. Why would he "fool" me? I already knew about him and he didn't have a clue that I knew, yet he was still able to have an affect on me. I hate to admit that but it's true. Plus, I'm not his type at all, which is why I keep asking myself, why me? Maybe it's just plain ego. But I'm not satisfied with that answer. I guess I'll never find out the reason.
As time passes on, the less I care.