Never Fails

They seem to be constantly appearing in my life. Starting to get a little old. Tired of trying to find ways to get around them or find a new road completely.

Love the message that the creator of this photo has given.

"It's not easy to remember that a road block is not the end of the world."

Sometimes it feels like it though.

The Sex Talk

Umm....yeah.

Do you remember having that sex talk with your parents? I never had one. My parents figured that whatever I learned in school was good enough. I'm cool with that though. Don't really want my parents talking to me about that.

But...

Seriously, I never thought that I would ever.....EVER, give the sex talk to a child.

This pic gave me a giggle.
Especially since I don't have any children of my own. Well, since my parents never gave me the talk, my little sister didn't have anyone else to turn to.

So yeah....this is how it went:

My little sister walks into our room and says, "Today was yucky."
Normally she loves school so this surprised me. "What happened?"

Lil Sis: We had family life today.

Me: Family life? What's that?

Lil Sis: We learned about our privates and periods and where babies grow.

Me: Oh, I see. Why is that yucky?

Lil Sis: Because they showed us pictures. And it's just weird.

Me: Well, that stuff's important to know.

Lil Sis: I know.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: (Oh no...) Then don't.

Lil Sis: What if I get one that comes out of nowhere?

Me: (Oh man...) It doesn't work that way.

Lil Sis: How does someone get a baby?

Me: (FML!) Umm...well, you have to have sex to make a baby and only women can get pregnant.

Lil Sis: So...when I get my period does that mean I'm pregnant?

Me: No, sex and period are not the same. I thought they taught you what period was?

Lil Sis: I know already, that's when blood comes out of the vagina.

Me: Ok, that's not sex.

Lil Sis: Then what is it?

Me: (Why me??) Well...(Crap, how do I explain this?) Umm...(Just tell her like it is.) This usually happens when two people care about each other a lot. Most of the time when they are married. It starts with kissing.....

Lil Sis: Eww! People can make babies just by kissing?!

Me: *laughs* No, let me finish. Ok....well, when people have sex, they have to be naked.

Lil Sis: What?! Why?

Me: That's the way you can make a baby.

Lil Sis: What if they just leave underwear on?

Me: Nope, everything has to come off....well, I guess they can leave their shirts on but the underwear has to come off.

Lil Sis: That's gross...

Me: I'm not done. How do I explain this next part? Ok, look.
I took my left hand and formed a fist with a small opening. This is a vagina.
I took my right hand and pointed with my index finger. And this is a penis.

Lil Sis: A penis?

Me: Yes, guys have penises. Why do you think they stand up when they pee?

Lil Sis: They stand up when they pee?

Me: Yeah, did you think that boys have vagina's?

Lil Sis: .....yeah

Me: I start to crack up. No, no....you didn't learn about boys in family life?

Lil Sis: We're going to learn about them tomorrow.

Me: Ok, well boys have penises. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. I took my index finger and shoved it into the opening. This is sex. I moved my right hand in the thrusting motion.

Lil Sis: Eww....so that means mom and dad did that 6 times? (total of six siblings in our family, in case you were wondering where she came up with that number.)

Me: Umm....(I'm sure they did more than that...oh god, get this thought out of my head!) yeah...

Lil Sis: Eww....and did [my older bro] and [his wife] do that and that's why they have Junior?

Me: Yep.

Lil Sis: Eww...and [older sis] and [her husband] do that and they got [niece 1] and [neice 2] and [neice 3]?

Me: Well, [niece 1] has a different dad but yeah, that's how they got [niece 2] and [niece 3]

Lil Sis: EWWWWWW!


She gave me this look and put her arms in the air.

Haha, finding out people that you know and care about, that committed this act will make you react that way.

Me: So yeah, when people have sex the guy ejaculates semen from the penis into the vagina so it can find the egg and get inside it. That is how a baby is made.

Lil Sis: Semen? What does ejaculates mean?

Me: You'll learn about that tomorrow.

Lil Sis: Does that feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

Me: (Huh, comfort...I couldn't have used a better word myself. Thank god she didn't ask me "How does it feel?" My answer would've been "Umm...good?") Well, the first time feels uncomfortable for everyone. But if you have sex with someone you love and care about, it'll soon be comfortable.

Lil Sis: What if people have sex and they're not married? Do they get in trouble?

Me: (Damnit...I didn't want to get to this part. Hopefully when she hits the teen years, she'll be smart about it and waits.) *sighs* No...you only get in trouble if you're under 18.

Lil Sis: What if people have a baby and they're not married?

Me: Then they are idiots and it happens a lot. They're idiots because they didn't use protection.

Lil Sis: Protection?

Me: Yeah, some people use protection when they have sex so they don't get kids. There's one for women and one for men. The women have birth control pills and the men have condoms.

Lil Sis: What do they do?

Me: (Crap, am I telling her too much too soon? She's only in 4th grade.) I think your teacher will explain it better than me about that. How long are you guys going to learn about family life?

Lil Sis: I don't know, maybe a week.

Me: Ok well, if you have more questions after each day, let me know.

Lil Sis: I still have lots of questions now.

Me: (Of course you do.) We'll continue this discussion later.

Lil Sis: Ok, fine.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: Then don't have sex. It's that simple.



That was a hell of an awkward conversation but a funny one. I know I will remember this moment. I wonder if she'll remember this "talk".
Better she learned some stuff about sex from me and school instead of finding out from the internet.



Haha, on my quest for pics, I found this post. *Warning* Contains explict, funny cartoon explaining where babies come from. Click here if interested.

I got accepted!

I finally received a letter from my college and I am in!

So excited, I just can't wait to go.
I'm just a little terrified about the cost of attending the school. My gosh, I'm know that I have to take a bunch of loans =[ I think that in the end, it'll all be worth it. This is where I want to go and what I want to do with my life.

So many paths...

This feeling I have...kinda feels like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at the age of 21. There actually is a "quarter-life" crisis, you know, at the age of 25. I guess I got it early and I didn't even graduate from college and work in my "career" yet. That is one of the obvious reasons why I'm feeling this anxiety. I'm going to finish school pretty soon and I don't care for the program I'm graduating from. What a complete waste of four years of my life! Now I have to deal with the repayment of the student loans. Actually, they are making me pay them back now even though I'm currently attending school. The job I have at the moment isn't really helping.

This is my life at the moment, every month, like clockwork.


Even though my life seems to be at a stand still, there is still hope inside of me. Its just I don't know which way to go. I tend to come up with all these different plans on where to go or what to do next. I create so many that I lose myself all over again in the confusion. Even though I came up with a crap load of plans, there is really two choices and I have to choose one. The first choice is when I graduate, transfer to a different school, study a major that I actually want and be in debt for the rest of my life. Or the second choice is when I graduate, find a GOOD job and stick with it for a while to gain money I need to go to a university.

Choice #1: Continue to go to school
Ok, which school?

• University of Iowa
  

Why there? Well they take my credits, so it'll cost me less.

• Columbia College Chicago
  

I truly think that this is the school for me. But I read some reviews on the school and they were not good. And it's really expensive. Not sure if financial aid/student loans would help cover the costs.

• "Specialty" School in New York

They are cheaper than CC-Chicago but it's in NY. The living expenses are way too expensive and I'll end up living in Central Park.

or
Choice #2: Get a career, earn money, then go back
Ok, where to apply?

• Cruise Ship

Would be a good idea to do but I have to have at least a year experience working in a restaurant. I don't think that fast food counts.  But I can always do something else.

• Hotel

Seem like a logical choice

• Casino

A more interesting place to work instead of a hotel

• Restaurant

......*sigh*

I still have some time to think about what to do next. Actually, I know what I want to do but I can't do it because of my financial situation. Just have to figure out if its possible to get there.
Life is just a bunch of roads, don't know where it's going to take you.

Kinda new to this whole blogging thing...

Don't really know why I've decided to do it, but I'm doing it.  Although I'd never share anything with people I know and trust in my life, I'm willing to post it all on here.  Its kinda funny because I do have a journal that I write in from time to time.  Maybe its because I want to be heard, yet being secretive at the same time.  Or maybe just to find people out there that I can relate to and vice versa.  If anyone will ever find this blog and read my posts, lol.  Probably be talking to myself most of the time, lol.  I might even slack and not post anything for weeks.  I don't know, I'll see how this goes.