I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, and I hope that it's just a phase but I'm just bored with everything in my life. Maybe I'm just in a rut at the moment. It's probably because I kinda seperated myself from other people and the lack of human contact is starting to take an affect on me. That problem can be easily solved with a phone call.
Finally graduated from GTC and I'm hoping that I get accepted to the college I applied to. I should apply to University of Arizona but I'm not sure yet.
I had a dream about him again. Not the guy in my previous post. This dude, Matt, was my crush back in high school. My sophmore year in high school '02, met him in my english class. That was many years ago so I guess my brain was just recycling memories...? I don't remember my first dream, I just know that he's in it. This morning, at 3:30 am, my brother's alarm woke me up. Just in time I guess because I can feel heart beating really fast. Normally I would remember scary events in my dream but this time, I don't. The only parts I remember is swimming in an indoor pool, getting out and going into the bathroom. I'm assuming it was a uni-sex bathroom since guys and girls were in there. I looked in the mirror and saw my collar bone and shoulders had huge flakes on them. I didn't freak out but kinda disgusted with it and asked people around me what was going on with my skin. Then Matt came up to me and said that it was sun burn. I told him that I never get sunburn and he said, "Well guess what, that's sunburn." And walked out the bathroom. I changed and left the building and saw him outside talking to my dad. I walked up to them to see what they were talking about but when I reached them, he said bye and walked away.
After that, I don't remember the rest of my dream. I wish I remembered what made my heart race. Only things that are terrifying in my dreams do that and I always remember, but this time I don't. Haha, maybe is was a night terror.
Anyways, I'm sure that this dream meant nothing, but I just thought that it was odd that I dreamt about him twice without thinking about him at all, since high school.
Friday May 9, 2008
Him: What's up good looking? :)
Me: Chillin. You?
Him: Oh nothing just thinking about you.
Me: Oh really?
Him: Yes really. Is that a bad thing?
Me: Not at all. Are you serious about what you told me earlier?
Him: Yes. Why wouldn't I be?
Me: I can never tell when you're serious or not.
Him: I'll find out and let you know. But in the mean time...
Me: Ok, let me know as soon as you find out.
Him: Oh that's it? You're done talking to me now?
Me: No. Don't be sad.
Him: Sad and lonely.
Me: Why is someone like you sad and lonely?
Him: Sick of dealing with crazy girls.
Me: You're probably looking in the wrong places.
Him: Guess so huh? I'm never in the right place then.
Me: I wouldn't worry if I were you.
Him: Why not worry?
Me: Because you have so much to offer. If a girl can't see that, then she is not worth your time.
Him: You think so? These days I don't know.
Has things gotten better for you?
Me: Not really. I'm friends with the guy I like but I'm not satisfied.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I want to be more than that.
Him: Does he know you like him?
Me: I don't even know why I like him. He said something to me that made me upset.
Him: Was the comment directed towards you?
Me: Yes, the comment was for me. And no he doesn't know that I like him.
Him: Why not? Do you think that it will ruin your friendship?
Me: I don't want to risk it.
Him: So what do you do?
Me: I don't know.
Him: I have an idea?
Me: What's that?
Him: Lets just run away together.
Me: Sound like a good idea.
Him: For real.
Me: Where would we go?
Him: Out of Racine!
Me: Yeah, anywhere is better than Racine.
Him: You know what I see in you? What type of person you are?
Me: What do you see?
Him: Just so you know, I see you blushing right now :)
Me: Yeah, I am actually.
Him: You're the type of person who gives her all. Who loves to be held and comforted. Who would do whatever it took to keep her man happy. Am I right?
Me: Yeah, you're right. How did you figure that? But I don't think that its a good thing. Guys think that I'm smothering them.
Him: I studied you. I'm your stalker. Did you forget? I don't think its smothering. It's affection, some guys like that.
....What are you doing?
Me: Listening to music. You?
Him: Still thinking about you...
I still don't get it. Why would he "fool" me? I already knew about him and he didn't have a clue that I knew, yet he was still able to have an affect on me. I hate to admit that but it's true. Plus, I'm not his type at all, which is why I keep asking myself, why me? Maybe it's just plain ego. But I'm not satisfied with that answer. I guess I'll never find out the reason.
As time passes on, the less I care.
Finally, I'm in my last class for the semester and then I will graduate in May. I really feared this class, Accounting for Business, because well, I did take it in the past but withdrew because it was hard, I couldn't understand anything. Plus the teacher was a complete ass. I don't know what his problem was but I was not learning from him, so I dropped it. Now I'm taking it again and it's with a different teacher and she is really nice. At first, I thought that I wasn't really going to learn anything from her either just because of the fact that she was nice. People say that the best teachers are the one's you fear/hate. I finally see now that it's not true. It's rare to see that here in Racine anyway, with the shitty school systems. I can't really say anything about UW schools though, since I've never been.
It's been a couple classes so it is too soon to say this but I think that I'll be alright :)
Sometimes I wish I lived in the 60's, a time when people came together and changed things for the better. I'm in a lazy generation.
This feeling I have...kinda feels like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at the age of 21. There actually is a "quarter-life" crisis, you know, at the age of 25. I guess I got it early and I didn't even graduate from college and work in my "career" yet. That is one of the obvious reasons why I'm feeling this anxiety. I'm going to finish school pretty soon and I don't care for the program I'm graduating from. What a complete waste of four years of my life! Now I have to deal with the repayment of the student loans. Actually, they are making me pay them back now even though I'm currently attending school. The job I have at the moment isn't really helping.
Why there? Well they take my credits, so it'll cost me less.
I truly think that this is the school for me. But I read some reviews on the school and they were not good. And it's really expensive. Not sure if financial aid/student loans would help cover the costs.
They are cheaper than CC-Chicago but it's in NY. The living expenses are way too expensive and I'll end up living in Central Park.
Would be a good idea to do but I have to have at least a year experience working in a restaurant. I don't think that fast food counts. But I can always do something else.
Seem like a logical choice
A more interesting place to work instead of a hotel
......*sigh*
