Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Sex Talk


Do you remember having that sex talk with your parents? I never had one. My parents figured that whatever I learned in school was good enough. I'm cool with that though. Don't really want my parents talking to me about that.


Seriously, I never thought that I would ever.....EVER, give the sex talk to a child.

This pic gave me a giggle.

Especially since I don't have any children of my own. Well, since my parents never gave me the talk, my little sister didn't have anyone else to turn to.

So yeah....this is how it went:

My little sister walks into our room and says, "Today was yucky."
Normally she loves school so this surprised me. "What happened?"

Lil Sis: We had family life today.

Me: Family life? What's that?

Lil Sis: We learned about our privates and periods and where babies grow.

Me: Oh, I see. Why is that yucky?

Lil Sis: Because they showed us pictures. And it's just weird.

Me: Well, that stuff's important to know.

Lil Sis: I know.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: (Oh no...) Then don't.

Lil Sis: What if I get one that comes out of nowhere?

Me: (Oh man...) It doesn't work that way.

Lil Sis: How does someone get a baby?

Me: (FML!) Umm...well, you have to have sex to make a baby and only women can get pregnant.

Lil Sis: So...when I get my period does that mean I'm pregnant?

Me: No, sex and period are not the same. I thought they taught you what period was?

Lil Sis: I know already, that's when blood comes out of the vagina.

Me: Ok, that's not sex.

Lil Sis: Then what is it?

Me: (Why me??) Well...(Crap, how do I explain this?) Umm...(Just tell her like it is.) This usually happens when two people care about each other a lot. Most of the time when they are married. It starts with kissing.....

Lil Sis: Eww! People can make babies just by kissing?!

Me: *laughs* No, let me finish. Ok....well, when people have sex, they have to be naked.

Lil Sis: What?! Why?

Me: That's the way you can make a baby.

Lil Sis: What if they just leave underwear on?

Me: Nope, everything has to come off....well, I guess they can leave their shirts on but the underwear has to come off.

Lil Sis: That's gross...

Me: I'm not done. How do I explain this next part? Ok, look.
I took my left hand and formed a fist with a small opening. This is a vagina.
I took my right hand and pointed with my index finger.
And this is a penis.

Lil Sis: A penis?

Me: Yes, guys have penises. Why do you think they stand up when they pee?

Lil Sis: They stand up when they pee?

Me: Yeah, did you think that boys have vagina's?

Lil Sis: .....yeah

Me: I start to crack up. No, didn't learn about boys in family life?

Lil Sis: We're going to learn about them tomorrow.

Me: Ok, well boys have penises. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. I took my index finger and shoved it into the opening. This is sex. I moved my right hand in the thrusting motion.

Lil Sis: that means mom and dad did that 6 times? (total of six siblings in our family, in case you were wondering where she came up with that number.)

Me: Umm....(I'm sure they did more than that...oh god, get this thought out of my head!) yeah...

Lil Sis: Eww....and did [my older bro] and [his wife] do that and that's why they have Junior?

Me: Yep.

Lil Sis: Eww...and [older sis] and [her husband] do that and they got [niece 1] and [neice 2] and [neice 3]?

Me: Well, [niece 1] has a different dad but yeah, that's how they got [niece 2] and [niece 3]


She gave me this look and put her arms in the air.

Haha, finding out people that you know and care about, that committed this act will make you react that way.

Me: So yeah, when people have sex the guy ejaculates semen from the penis into the vagina so it can find the egg and get inside it. That is how a baby is made.

Lil Sis: Semen? What does ejaculates mean?

Me: You'll learn about that tomorrow.

Lil Sis: Does that feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

Me: (Huh, comfort...I couldn't have used a better word myself. Thank god she didn't ask me "How does it feel?" My answer would've been "Umm...good?") Well, the first time feels uncomfortable for everyone. But if you have sex with someone you love and care about, it'll soon be comfortable.

Lil Sis: What if people have sex and they're not married? Do they get in trouble?

Me: (Damnit...I didn't want to get to this part. Hopefully when she hits the teen years, she'll be smart about it and waits.) *sighs* only get in trouble if you're under 18.

Lil Sis: What if people have a baby and they're not married?

Me: Then they are idiots and it happens a lot. They're idiots because they didn't use protection.

Lil Sis: Protection?

Me: Yeah, some people use protection when they have sex so they don't get kids. There's one for women and one for men. The women have birth control pills and the men have condoms.

Lil Sis: What do they do?

Me: (Crap, am I telling her too much too soon? She's only in 4th grade.) I think your teacher will explain it better than me about that. How long are you guys going to learn about family life?

Lil Sis: I don't know, maybe a week.

Me: Ok well, if you have more questions after each day, let me know.

Lil Sis: I still have lots of questions now.

Me: (Of course you do.) We'll continue this discussion later.

Lil Sis: Ok, fine.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: Then don't have sex. It's that simple.

That was a hell of an awkward conversation but a funny one. I know I will remember this moment. I wonder if she'll remember this "talk".
Better she learned some stuff about sex from me and school instead of finding out from the internet.

Haha, on my quest for pics, I found this post. *Warning* Contains explict, funny cartoon explaining where babies come from. Click here if interested.