Little paperwork is always a good thing

Yeah, not as bad as what I originally thought.

Now I know what to do and what to expect. Makes life a little easier.

Heartbroken

The deadline to get a refund on my enrollment deposit is Dec 1st. I've decided to withdrawal from attending school this semester and try again for Fall semester. Sucks that I couldn't find a student loan in time since financial aid backed out at the last minute. Probably have to go through the college application process again.

Plan on drowning my sorrows tonight.

Keep your head up

Things will eventually work out.



Thank you for talking to me, bro.
Calmed me down just a bit =P

Is it worth it?

To spend time with someone you like, but don't picture a future with him? Is that the purpose of our lives? Find a companion to spend the rest of your life with? Sounds pretty lame if you ask me. Yet that's how our society seems to work and if you think differently, you become an outcast.

But I prefer to live in the moment, so is it wrong? I'm not using him, I do like him. The situation we're in is already odd. Neither of us truly want a relationship but I see myself pushing for one. Just so that I won't be in another FWB type of relationship again. Though we've done nothing....yet, just kissing but it just might get heavier. And I don't like to share. Maybe I should just wait longer.

Times running out

I can't find a co-signer with good credit. It's already hard enough to ask someone to be one for you. It's like asking them to take a bullet for you, in a way. Seems like I'm the only responsible one that pays on time. I don't play when it comes to money. I will be a hermit for a while, grow hair on my legs, or whatever, before I miss a payment.
I can't just let it go. All the stress and the time to fill out the college applications....writing essays. It feels like I've been waiting so long for this and this crap comes out of nowhere. A friend said that I should put school off for a year.
No. I have to fight for this, even if it doesn't turn out the way I hope it will.

Not sure why

But I LOVE this outfit.

If I could, I would buy it and rock it out.

....but where would one wear this?

Honestly, when I first saw this, I thought, "What was she thinking?" Actually, that thought pops up for every outfit that she wears. Now that I think about it, I like the outfit because it kinda reminds me of a jester. Jesters are pretty awesome. Out of all the randomness that she wears, this is my favorite.

Well....that sucks

Just received a letter stating that my financial aid is dramatically reduced. Instead of the aid paying the tuition in full, it will only pay several thousands. Which is not even half of the total cost. Now begins the struggle to find loans elsewhere.

Meteor shower tonight

That would be really cool if I get a chance to see it. This article says that the shower can be seen around 1 am, doesn't matter where you are. Just sucks for me because I live in a city and the light pollution might prevent me from seeing any meteors.

Doesn't that look awesome?
I hope that I'll see it tonight!

Losing It

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat. - Regina Spektor

I don't know the exact meaning of the song but I found a meaning that relates to me in that phrase. Losing something and struggling hard to get it back. Seems like it's been a long time since I've had any inspiration. The last time I felt it was in July/August. To me that's a long time. And at one point, I thought it was because I stopped seeing Alex. Not that he's an inspiration, but a muse....kinda but not really. It's hard to explain....nearly everything I wrote/created in the summer time, he had some sort of influence (I know, I know. I made no sense whatsoever). When I stopped hanging out with him, I got lazy with song writing/photography/whatever else. Eventually stopped the flow of creativity. I thought to myself jokingly that he stole it. Now that he's back (as friends)....it's still missing.

I hate not having it. I don't even know why it left. What is the reason? Whatever the reason is, I hope that it comes back to me.

Beautiful

It's hard for me to take compliments.

I wish I could see what they see.

Ask yourself

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

The internet is evil

Or at least it can be if you use it incorrectly. People tend to put way too much information about themselves (*cough*) without thinking about who is able to stumble upon that info. Which is why I stay anonymous. On Blogger anyway, can't be anonymous on Facebook or Myspace....well it's easier for people to be anonymous on myspace but that's a whole other issue.
I happened to stumble upon some info that I was not supposed to know. Nor do I want to know. Just clicked on the profile and bam! Found out he has a new girlfriend....without breaking up with the old one. Ouch. Lucky for him, she doesn't use the internet. I know the old girlfriend since we work together. Now I feel evil since I don't plan on telling her. I'd tell her if she was my friend but otherwise I do not want to get involved with that.

Gotta get ready

This morning before my dad went to work he told me to write down a list of things that I need for my dorm/apartment so he and my mom can help out. That is one massive shock for me. The only thing my parents help me out with is food and shelter, don't get me wrong, I am TRULY grateful for that. I know people who's parents just threw them out once they hit 18. Everything else, I have to get myself. But I guess after touring the college on Saturday, kinda made them see what's in store for me. I won't be working the moment I get there. I have to find a job and in this economy, who knows how long that is going to take. I don't plan on asking for much, just toilet paper, pots and pans that my mom doesn't use....cleaning supplies. Everything else I'll be getting at my new favorite store:

This store looks quite nice....nothing like the one we have.

Even though, I truly would love to shop here:


But that won't be happening. I think my pockets can handle Sam's Club but I must find someone with membership first. Haha...idk, I'm so cheap at the moment, I'm afraid that I might spend too much money at the dollar store.....yeah.

There's always Freecycle to check out again.

People can be shady on here though.....I've used this in the past. Can be hard to get a hold of people and I can't stand giving out my phone number and home address out to strangers. Especially if they never come to pick up the stuff I've offered. I do give a false name though, lol. But I'm not giving anything away this time so it might go smoother than it has in the past.

I don't know what I plan on doing yet but gotta make a move soon. Feels like I'm running out of time.

Happy Hour Friday

This is group blog started by Otin and RxBambi that runs every Friday.


Things that make me feliz:

- I like receiving long messages that have TMI on voice mail or answering machine that weren't meant for me/family. It might be nosey but I'm never going to meet the caller or the person that they were trying to reach so it doesn't matter anyway.

- Definitely enjoy having Friday off from work!

- Having more money in my piggy bank than what I anticipated.

I'd love to have this

- Taking a spontaneous trip to Madison to visit my niece.

And I'm off!

Have a nice day everyone!

Fairy Tales

Children do not need fairy tales to believe in dragons
for children already know dragons exist.
Children need fairy tales to know dragons can be slain.



I don't know who came up with this quote. If anyone knows, let me know! =]

Don't follow

I was talking to my niece the other day, when she came to visit for the weekend, about my shoes. There is about 7 pairs of cute shoes that I have put away in my closet....some of them I've never worn once. Now, there are 2 reasons for that.

1. I'm more tom-boyish than a girly girl.

My style is similar to this.
I just have different hair than that and no tattoos.

2. I can never find the right "outfit" for the shoes that I buy.

Most of the shoes are random looking but cute. (To me)

My niece and I were just going through my closet and I realized that I had a shirt that went pretty well with a pair of shoes (pictured above). She agreed....but a thought got into my head. Not sure why it did....I'm not the type of person who cared about what others think about my clothes/style. I had black/green hair at one point! The thought that went into my head was: "What if someone sees these shoes and say, 'Those are soooo last year'?" Those shoes are pretty old (even though I never worn them once) if you follow trends, which I don't. I believe I bought them 2 years ago.
I told my niece my thought and she responded, "I'm disappointed in you. Since when did you care about that? We shop in thrift stores! Everything we wear is probably outdated." My niece, Esperanza, is a girly girl but like me, does not care about trends. And that was a very good point she made, lol.

I have yet to wear those shoes. And now it's not because of what others think of the style. I'm not used to wearing heels/wedges. Don't want to fall and make an ass of myself. Gotta practice walking in them first!

Murphy's Law in my dream

At first I was at work. Everything there was going wrong, I was losing a lot of things there including personal things which upset me. I walked into the bathroom and entered a stall and saw a garbage bag that was full of my belongings. Clothing, underwear, notebooks, photos, necklaces....
I grabbed the bag and tried to drag it out of the stall but it got caught on something (not sure what) and ripped. Somethings fell out and a favorite necklace of mine went into the toilet. That really pissed my off and I groaned as I picked up the necklace. I looked at it and threw it into the bag. Some of my co-workers both male and female started to enter the bathroom. I began to panic, I didn't want anyone to see my belongings so I grabbed everything and stuffed them in the somewhat torn bag. One co-worker saw what I was doing and handed me another garbage bag. I took the torn bag and placed it inside the new one. Carried the bag outside and threw it in a dumpster.
Then at some point, without even realizing it, I was at home, with everyone from work there...still working. I went into my room and everything changed. Instead of 2 twin beds and teal walls, there was a full sized bed with pink walls. At that moment, I went berserk and trashed the room. While I was trashing my room, I decided to look at my phone so I pulled it out of my pocket. Flipped it open and it was completely damaged, on the brink of falling apart. As I was trying to keep the phone together, I was dialing a number but it never came up right. I had to constantly re-dial the number. Getting tired of dialing the whole thing over again, I hit the CLR button and the phone fell apart in my hand and hit the ground. I was devastated but not about losing the phone, losing my contacts. Didn't have any number memorized. Then I walked towards a window and looked outside. My crush (let's call him...Leon*) and a female co-worker were talking to each other on the sidewalk. Suddenly, they both got into their cars, Leon driving off first and he female co-worker following behind him. As she turns the corner, she almost got hit by a Dr. Pepper semi truck.

Finally, my phone rang and woke me up. I thought, "Yes, my phone is ok" :P

Ahh....don't you just love the haphazardness of dreams?



*Name changed to protect identity

Welcome to the Real World

The thought of living with 5 strangers is finally starting to make me feel a little uneasy. I already live with 4 people (parents and 2 other siblings) but that's family and it's in a home. Not sure yet but I'll probably be staying in an apartment with 4 small bedrooms, living room, bathroom, and a kitchen. That's cool that the school I'm going to attend have several apartment complexes reserved for just for students. So it's kinda like dorms but WAY better.

I highly doubt that I'll be staying in that specific one. That's too nice. I opted for the cheapest possible place to stay at.

Of course I'll have a roommate, that's nothing new. I have a roommate now (lil sis). That's not my main concern. What I'm worried about is will I mesh well with their personalities? My god....how old will they be? Haha, a fuckin' 22 year old living with a bunch of 18 year olds >.<
Makes me feel so old! Are they organized or messy folks? Well, whatever comes my way, I'm sure I'll be able to handle it. Don't really have a choice, lol.
Being an introvert, I think that this will help me open up more. And meet a bunch of new people. I'm getting excited again XD
Open house is this Saturday and I can't wait to go to that. I might be taking photographs and recording videos. If they allow it.

The Sex Talk

Umm....yeah.

Do you remember having that sex talk with your parents? I never had one. My parents figured that whatever I learned in school was good enough. I'm cool with that though. Don't really want my parents talking to me about that.

But...

Seriously, I never thought that I would ever.....EVER, give the sex talk to a child.

This pic gave me a giggle.
Especially since I don't have any children of my own. Well, since my parents never gave me the talk, my little sister didn't have anyone else to turn to.

So yeah....this is how it went:

My little sister walks into our room and says, "Today was yucky."
Normally she loves school so this surprised me. "What happened?"

Lil Sis: We had family life today.

Me: Family life? What's that?

Lil Sis: We learned about our privates and periods and where babies grow.

Me: Oh, I see. Why is that yucky?

Lil Sis: Because they showed us pictures. And it's just weird.

Me: Well, that stuff's important to know.

Lil Sis: I know.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: (Oh no...) Then don't.

Lil Sis: What if I get one that comes out of nowhere?

Me: (Oh man...) It doesn't work that way.

Lil Sis: How does someone get a baby?

Me: (FML!) Umm...well, you have to have sex to make a baby and only women can get pregnant.

Lil Sis: So...when I get my period does that mean I'm pregnant?

Me: No, sex and period are not the same. I thought they taught you what period was?

Lil Sis: I know already, that's when blood comes out of the vagina.

Me: Ok, that's not sex.

Lil Sis: Then what is it?

Me: (Why me??) Well...(Crap, how do I explain this?) Umm...(Just tell her like it is.) This usually happens when two people care about each other a lot. Most of the time when they are married. It starts with kissing.....

Lil Sis: Eww! People can make babies just by kissing?!

Me: *laughs* No, let me finish. Ok....well, when people have sex, they have to be naked.

Lil Sis: What?! Why?

Me: That's the way you can make a baby.

Lil Sis: What if they just leave underwear on?

Me: Nope, everything has to come off....well, I guess they can leave their shirts on but the underwear has to come off.

Lil Sis: That's gross...

Me: I'm not done. How do I explain this next part? Ok, look.
I took my left hand and formed a fist with a small opening. This is a vagina.
I took my right hand and pointed with my index finger. And this is a penis.

Lil Sis: A penis?

Me: Yes, guys have penises. Why do you think they stand up when they pee?

Lil Sis: They stand up when they pee?

Me: Yeah, did you think that boys have vagina's?

Lil Sis: .....yeah

Me: I start to crack up. No, no....you didn't learn about boys in family life?

Lil Sis: We're going to learn about them tomorrow.

Me: Ok, well boys have penises. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. I took my index finger and shoved it into the opening. This is sex. I moved my right hand in the thrusting motion.

Lil Sis: Eww....so that means mom and dad did that 6 times? (total of six siblings in our family, in case you were wondering where she came up with that number.)

Me: Umm....(I'm sure they did more than that...oh god, get this thought out of my head!) yeah...

Lil Sis: Eww....and did [my older bro] and [his wife] do that and that's why they have Junior?

Me: Yep.

Lil Sis: Eww...and [older sis] and [her husband] do that and they got [niece 1] and [neice 2] and [neice 3]?

Me: Well, [niece 1] has a different dad but yeah, that's how they got [niece 2] and [niece 3]

Lil Sis: EWWWWWW!


She gave me this look and put her arms in the air.

Haha, finding out people that you know and care about, that committed this act will make you react that way.

Me: So yeah, when people have sex the guy ejaculates semen from the penis into the vagina so it can find the egg and get inside it. That is how a baby is made.

Lil Sis: Semen? What does ejaculates mean?

Me: You'll learn about that tomorrow.

Lil Sis: Does that feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

Me: (Huh, comfort...I couldn't have used a better word myself. Thank god she didn't ask me "How does it feel?" My answer would've been "Umm...good?") Well, the first time feels uncomfortable for everyone. But if you have sex with someone you love and care about, it'll soon be comfortable.

Lil Sis: What if people have sex and they're not married? Do they get in trouble?

Me: (Damnit...I didn't want to get to this part. Hopefully when she hits the teen years, she'll be smart about it and waits.) *sighs* No...you only get in trouble if you're under 18.

Lil Sis: What if people have a baby and they're not married?

Me: Then they are idiots and it happens a lot. They're idiots because they didn't use protection.

Lil Sis: Protection?

Me: Yeah, some people use protection when they have sex so they don't get kids. There's one for women and one for men. The women have birth control pills and the men have condoms.

Lil Sis: What do they do?

Me: (Crap, am I telling her too much too soon? She's only in 4th grade.) I think your teacher will explain it better than me about that. How long are you guys going to learn about family life?

Lil Sis: I don't know, maybe a week.

Me: Ok well, if you have more questions after each day, let me know.

Lil Sis: I still have lots of questions now.

Me: (Of course you do.) We'll continue this discussion later.

Lil Sis: Ok, fine.....I don't want to have babies.

Me: Then don't have sex. It's that simple.



That was a hell of an awkward conversation but a funny one. I know I will remember this moment. I wonder if she'll remember this "talk".
Better she learned some stuff about sex from me and school instead of finding out from the internet.



Haha, on my quest for pics, I found this post. *Warning* Contains explict, funny cartoon explaining where babies come from. Click here if interested.